Bozo Blokes Bathe In Hudson

A special report on suspected Brits gone wild, plus much more.

Photo of Weehawken, NJ by Carol M. Highsmith from the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division

Gate-Crashing River Rascals Raise Eyebrows

By Hugo Holland, Hudson River correspondent

The afternoon was peaceful and calm until something strange emerged from the water…

Two men at the Weehawken waterfront on Monday stripped down to their boxers, jumped into the Hudson River and swam upstream before clambering ashore and breaking through a gate at the Waterfront Park, according to witnesses. The mysterious pair, covered in muck, then made their way to the Weehawken Pool Complex and asked security if they could come in. 

The broken gate was soon found and police were called. But according to some witnesses, before the officers arrived, the river rascals had already retrieved their clothes and driven away. Several theories were floated to the Gazette to explain the soggy story, though key details are still murky and the moistened miscreants’ motive remains unclear. Thanks to our Gazette reporter, we have been able to compile the various witness accounts into the following narrative. 

Weehawken pool workers believe that around 3pm, the dodgy duo jumped into the Hudson at the Chart House pier before swimming north. One prominent public official disagreed about the point of entry, saying the men could not have swum all the way from the Chart House. Instead, the men must have jumped from Weehawken Pier, further north and closer to the pool, according to the official.

About 20 minutes later, the soggy scoundrels emerged from the water and climbed on to the mound of rocks and grass behind the Weehawken pool, according to pool staff. Finding the area enclosed by a fence, the two broke through a gate and into the Waterfront park, just outside the pool complex.

From there, the story goes from the cloudy to the bizarre.

Staff at the pool entrance, who had yet to hear of the broken gate, said they encountered two men, extremely pale, dripping wet and wearing only underpants and muck up to their knees. Their request to staff: could they go through the pool to get back to the Chart House pier? 

When the staff responded with a reasonable “no”, the aquatic adventurers explained that they had just come from swimming “in the ocean.”  Refused entry, the dirty, near-naked duo trudged off—by land this time—toward the Chart House pier. Puzzled pool staff soon after discovered the damaged gate.

The police came quickly, but by then the tidal trespassers had started riding the waves of the late-afternoon traffic. 

What we know of the damp dodos remains slim: their origins are as mysterious as their actions. Several who overheard the dunking dopes described the men as British, with one pool worker saying their accent was Scouse, a dialect spoken in Liverpool. Another staff member said they were Irish. 

Wherever the watery wanderers came from, both are still at large—and a danger to gates and health codes everywhere. 

Publisher’s note: Swimming in the Hudson River can be very dangerous. Tides, boat traffic, and more can put you at risk. According to the Waterfront Alliance, “Issues like sewage outflow and algal blooms keep many areas along the Hudson from being swimmable, particularly after rainfall.” They also add that the “Waterfront Alliance does not endorse or encourage swimming in the Hudson River, unless at an operating beach or through participating in an organized event.”

Yappy Hour July 18 At Weehawken Elks

Do you like to hang outdoors with your pup and meet neighbors? This is taking place Thursday 7/18 at 5P. Yes, this event was rescheduled from June. From the event page:

Gotta well-behaved dog and looking to meet other pets and their hoomans in the neighborhood? Come out for a beverage (cash bar) and free dog treats! This is an outdoor event.

The Weehawken Elks lodge is located at 2 50th street off Boulevard East.

See more details on their Facebook event page, and make sure to RSVP so they bring enough dog treats, etc. facebook.com/events/791800586375548/

NJ Celebrity To Appear In Manhattan

Speaking of our furry friends, did you know there’s a museum of the dog in Manhattan? They have tons of fun events, but of note, this Saturday July 13, a New Jersey baseball celeb will be there. From their Instagram:

⚾️ July 13 | Meet @batdogrookie, the official Bat Dog of the 4-time Eastern League Champion @trentonthunder!

Backstroke Flags Are Back 🎉

If you love to do the backstroke, but don’t love bonking your head on the side of the pool, backstroke flags are key. We had them in previous years, but this year we didn’t — until Wednesday afternoon. We learned they were donated by the Weehawken Swim Association, and co-founder Mike Lazzara was there on the scene helping affix them to the poles. What is the Weehawken Swim Association? Well, they are also known as the Rebel Aquatic Club, based in Rutherford, but some lessons they offer do take place in Weehawken. You can learn more and see the lessons they offer here: weehawkenswim.org

In Brief

• Reminder: Sunday July 14th there’s a Grand Opening party at Fabiano’s Pizza in Weehawken. Details here on their Instagram: instagram.com/fabianospizzanj

• This past Wednesday eve we had a great Summer Concert on the Hudson at Lincoln Harbor Park, with Empire Wild and ARKAI — the next one is Wednesday, July 24 at 7pm featuring Terrance Simien and the Zydeco Experience. More info at hrpac.org.

• French restaurant Faubourg Weehawken is opening in August and hiring now. From their IG:

We’re gearing up to open in early August and looking for enthusiastic individuals to join the team 👉 NOW HIRING all positions, front and back of house.

To apply, email your resume and work availability beginning late July (training) to joinus@faubourgnj.com.

• The Run Club USA has been meeting at 9A every Sunday in Weehawken since 6/16 — and we wrote about the first one here and shared the photo from it here. And they’ve been meeting even though the heat has been no fun. What is fun? This new video they made during a recent Sunday outing:

therunclubusa

A post shared by @therunclubusa

Got Recs? Corrections? Wanna Advertise?

This newsletter is free to read and subscribe to. And we are now open to select advertisers/sponsors. Maybe you are a realtor, or you have a business that needs more buzz? Get in early and you’ll get a deal.

Our website is in process so best contact is to email advertising@bignoyes.com or you can send a DM on Instagram to: instagram.com/felberama — you can also comment here, but you know, be nice.

PS Subscribers get this newsletter first AND they can laugh at exclusive typos that are later corrected in the archive version.

Tah for now nice nabes!

Susie